My liver just broke up with me...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
