You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
