Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
