honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
