I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
