You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize