i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
