Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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