Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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