I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Boobs speak an international language.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
