i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
