oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
