Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
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