I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
