he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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