Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
