Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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