he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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