so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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