A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
