the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
two words...techno handjob
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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