we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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