There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's blow job season.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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