some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
