the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
