Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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