Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Drunk is not a location!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
