Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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