I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
