I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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