she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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