He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
