So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
