my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
