There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
