i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize