i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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