your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
