dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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