i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
