Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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