i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
