Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
