i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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