Will you blow on my dice?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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