Umm I'm too high to move.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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