i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
