I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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