The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize