She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm eating all of the evidence.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
