Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
