dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
