I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
