I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
