the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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