sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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