Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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