am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
