I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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