I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
