My room smells like vodka and shame
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
