Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
