I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
