I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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