please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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