all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I am available for nakedness
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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