Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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