I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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