and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize