So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
