nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
