The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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