I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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