wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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