Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
thus making me awesome and them whores
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
