explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
