thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
