Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize