My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Houston, we have a squirter
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You are the jesus of drinking
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
