not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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