she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
