im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
