you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
