Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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