when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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