So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
