Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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