Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
