I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize