i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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