I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We need a shit load of segways right now
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize