Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
