The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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