When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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