Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize