I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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